Alanah Cole : Onlyfans Review
Alanah Cole
Table of Contents
Quick overview
I started watching Alanah Cole's YouTube videos years ago when she was mainly talking about being queer, having a girlfriend, and giving advice to baby gays as well as useless lesbians (like me). She later started documenting her success on OnlyFans and giving advice to the many pandemic OF creators trying to make a few hundred bucks on the platform.
She is perfect for you if ...
You're a guy willing to spend mindlessly for a beautiful girl - as you should. If you're looking for actual lesbian content or interactive experiences, look elsewhere.
When I started this project looking for queer, bisexual and lesbian adult content creators, her name came to mind. Without much thinking, I subbed. And I scrolled, and I scrolled, and I scrolled. God knows that I scrolled. And found... not much.
The reality check : too pretty to be free !
Her content
Alanah Cole is insanely beautiful. Her body is incredible and I experience the bisexual girl confusion of not knowing if I'm feeling envy or desire when looking at her. Her content is visually polished to perfection - very well-lit, and aesthetic as fuck. You should know by now that I like pretty girls and pretty porn, that visual and aesthetic quality matters to me, so I can appreciate how good and professional her pictures are, even her "casual selfies."
However, her page might be too professional for me. Yes, I said it. It feels like Instagram but riskier - and by that I mean, with some nipples (sometimes). Her page is all photos, very little nudity, no videos, not even 10-second ones, not even PPV teasers to make the page less static, less boring.
For $8.99, I expected more than just HD photos. There's a 3-second video titled "It's such a sunny day today, thought I'd put my bikini on and get some sun," and another captioned "Yes, sunny day should get some timelines going," where she looks amazing. Just really pretty content with cold, unoriginal captions.
She has a "YouTube XXX" series where she does sensual try-ons fully nude. Made me remember to buy some lingerie for my own content, which is a good thing, I guess. The variety of outfits is there, I'll give her that. She definitely puts effort into looking good.
The "emoji problem"
There's something infuriating to me about seeing those evil purple emojis on beautiful women's naked bodies. It should not be there. I would rather have some blur and would prefer nothing than that actually, but it got pretty clear that I was not the target. Like at all.
A real business woman or a scammer ?
She is a businesswoman with a clear cut-throat business model and we absolutely love that here. What I don't like is being misled. She just makes it way too painfully clear that she wants to make her subscribers SPEND for the pre-made full-length videos goodies.
Scam alert ?
One of the more frustrating things was the mention of a weekly livestream on her public page that you only get access to if you pay $100 for her "Cole's Kings Club." Something which wasn't clearly stated on the profile, just casually dropped on the timeline.
She offers unlimited chat with your subscription, and I can only guess that she will upsell the shit out of you. Based on my experience as a creator, unlimited chat usually means you're talking to chatters, not the creator herself. Be safe out there!
Activity level
She's not really active - as of July 24th, her last post was from July 7th. However, she's not flooding the inbox with pay-per-view messages either. I didn't receive anything, possibly because I subscribed using my female presenting professional creator account though.
What actually turned me on (aka my clit said yes list)
- Wet t-shirt pictures - These really did something to me
- Topless pics - Some girls are just blessed with gorgeous tits and hard nipples, and I'm even more blessed to get to see them
The WORST thing is that I came for lesbian content and I didn't see anything even close. It was nowhere to be found on her page - but maybe I didn't scroll through the nothingness deep enough. I expected more inclusiveness. I'm sure that 99% of her subscribers are men who only want to see her, so I understand, but damn, I'm disappointed.
Pros & cons
Good
- Insanely beautiful and aesthetic content
- Professional photo quality and lighting
- Variety of outfits and styling
- Clear business model (if that's your thing)
- Some genuinely hot wet t-shirt content
- Beautiful topless photography
Bad
- Too professional - feels like Instagram with nipples
- Barely any video content
- Hidden costs (Cole's Kings Club $100)
- Annoying emoji censoring
- No lesbian/queer content despite background
- Inactive posting schedule
- Should have been a free page
- Cold, unoriginal captions